you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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