This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
