If that was your dad, he is hot
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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