My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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