i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
