piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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