i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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