Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
