Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
