I cockslap morals
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
