Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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