so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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