I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
