Need sex. Gaining weight.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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