I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
