Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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