U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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