So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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