This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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