He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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