Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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