How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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