Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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