Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
