i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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