we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
