All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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