I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
