I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
