he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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