I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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