Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
