So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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