Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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