i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
