wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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