I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
