Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
