She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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