dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
