Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
