EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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