You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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