I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
they need to just BURY HIM!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
