she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
