Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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