I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
