Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
