I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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