His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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