oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
