Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have so many feelings about this burrito
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
