where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
