The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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