someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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