I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
