dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
